Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Lessons for men learned from online dating

As you already know, your fearless Dating with a Dash-ers are no strangers to online dating (see Exhibit A, Exhibit B and Exhibit C offered by Emily). We know the sweet highs of sucking face with someone 6 years your junior and the spiral of depression inducing lows of foot fetishism that OkCupid is infamous for. It’s with this experience, that the ever-modest Gentleman X brings you, his loyal and oft ignored (sorry!) readers, the first annual “Lessons for men learned from online dating.”

Lessons for men learned from online dating

Lesson #1: Cast a wide net. For the purpose of this story I sent 50 messages to 50 different girls on OkCupid. Each was a personalized message of about 2 paragraphs, demonstrating that I had read her profile and asking questions for her to respond to. Of those 50 girls here’s how it broke down:

This means that out of 50 personalized messages, I got 2 dates, exchanged messages with 5 girls who just stopped responding after 1-2 exchanges, and 10 girls looked at my profile but elected not to respond. A staggering 24 girls (almost half!) took no action whatsoever, and didn’t as much as look at my profile.

The lesson in all this: message absolutely anyone you think is remotely attractive/appealing in personality because you won’t even get a chance to make an impression with more than half the girls you message.

Lesson #2: Girls get a ton of messages, so make yours count. Since I refuse to admit the lack of response has any correlation to my own shortcomings, there needs to be serious investigation as to why this number is so low. The most obvious conclusion is that my profile is somehow lacking. With that in mind, I asked Mandy and another female friend who is on OkCupid to review. After thorough inspection, it passed both tests with NO suggested edits, with one friend even saying “You seem great in it! I’d date you.” Profile inadequacies were quickly ruled out.

If not the profile then what is responsible for the girls’ inaction? There was only one way to find out. To thoroughly understand the female experience on OkCupid, my roommates and I created a female profile on OkCupid. We used only photos that did not show a face and very basic interests that we think the average girl is interested in (read: multiple references to Zumba and shows on Bravo!). The results were staggering. Within TEN minutes of creation, we got 8 messages from interested men. Two hours after activation, we had 25. All of this without even showing a face. For all these guys knew, she looked like Eric Stoltz in Mask under that blonde hair. The only conclusion we could draw from this is that every girl gets an insane volume of messages and that to break through the clutter you have to be good. Clearly, I don’t know what that entails, but my suggestions are don’t misspell, use emoticons, or mention any weird fetishes. Or do none of that and am still average a 4% success rate like me.

Lesson #3: Like anywhere in life, there are crazy girls on OkCupid and there are incredible girls on OkCupid. Undoubtedly, two of the most confusing interactions I’ve had with girls have come from OkCupid. Both got to the 2-3 date limit, and both ended at the suggestion of the girl. One because of cited “baggage issues” and the other because she “wanted something casual and going on more than 2 dates with me would send the wrong impression.” If any of you female readers can shed some light on what those mean, please leave them in the comments. Because as a man, I’m going to chalk them both up to “she’s just not that into you, man” and write their names legibly in the crazy/unable to maturely express herself column.

Conversely, I’ve met some really intelligent, beautiful and ambitious girls on OkCupid. One even ended up as my girlfriend (albeit for only 4 months). In these situations, I felt no chemistry, generally wasn’t interested or thought we weren’t all that compatible after all. Though, to my credit, every girl was given what I thought to be a mature and honest explanation in all three situations.

OkCupid is like any bar, grocery store, or women’s penitentiary; there are some really crazy girls on it and some awesome ones. Guys, it’s in your best interest to try not to like the crazy ones, but we all know that’s a lot easier said than done.

I could continue for hours on the other lessons I’ve learned from it but Mandy says I’ve gotten to have a wittily tied in recipe to share. So without further ado, I bring you an easy to make, French chocolate cake that is perfect for any date. The lesson in this one is much easier to learn then all the ones above. Girls just love chocolate cake and think a man that can cook is attractive.

Molten Chocolate Cake


3 eggs

3 egg yolks

4 ½ tbsp. flour, heaped

¾ cup sugar

6 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

4 oz. butter


1. Cut chocolate into small pieces. Do the same for the butter.

2. Melt chocolate and butter together in a double boiler (i.e. grab an oven mitt, a Pyrex glass bowl and small pot of a little less than equal size of boiling hot water and melt the chocolate in the glass bowl, as it sits just barely in the water)

3. Beat whole eggs and yolks with sugar added for 12 minutes (you can take that hand mixer your mom got you when you went away to college that you’ve never used and prop it up on a small box so you don’t have to hold for all that time)

4. When the chocolate and butter mixture is melted, combine with eggs, yolks and sugar (make sure to add chocolate to eggs and not the reverse)

5. Add flour and mix batter well

6. Place butter in well-buttered and floured ramekins (or cupcake tins you get at the grocery store hanging from racks slightly above eye level) and bake for 12 minutes in a 400° preheated oven (Make sure you don’t overcook it, the center is supposed to be melted)

7. Serve with vanilla ice cream (get Haagen-Dazs or something expensive like that cause it matters with this)

1 comment:

  1. As one of the roommates who helped participate in the profile experiment, I can certify not only the quantity of the messages that our profile returned, but also the quality. Most messages were vulgar short, offering services as "tour guides" (in quotes in the actual messages as well).

    There was only a single attempt at what could be deemed a "normal" message, with an introduction and further inquiry into our profile's interests, etc.

    I'll leave the analysis to those more advanced that myself, but it seems that not only are women on OKCupid receiving a ton of messages, but they're, in essence, being spamed for sex.