He text me the day after our first date; I hesitated about responding because I wasn't sure if I was going to go out with him again. I text back nonchalantly. He emailed the next day. I did not respond. Then I left for a 10 day vacation.
I vowed to keep my blackberry off; I was not successful. I turned on my phone and there was a text from him! Again, I didn't respond. He emailed me the day before I was supposed to return home....I waited, and then responded. Since a good two weeks had passed since our first date, I must have blocked out all the bad stuff because I agreed to meet up with him for a lunch date.
I figured that a lunch date would be best because there was a definitive start and end, and there would be no (hopefully) awkward kissing at the end. (Can you sense the foreshadowing here?) I told him to meet me at my office at noon and we'd go somewhere close. I made an appointment to give blood at 1 p.m. and asked a coworker/friend to meet me in order to, again, avoid any awkward PDA.
He walked up, tried to kiss me hello.....in front of my office building....during the work day. Yeah.....no. I deflected to the cheek and hugged him. We went to lunch and conversation was fine, but nothing remarkable. I started to feel like I could say anything and it wouldn't matter. He was staring at me like a magpie stares at sparkle-y things. Our hour ended and we walked back to my building so I could give blood. My coworker/friend arrived and as I went to say good bye....his face came towards mine again. Really? REALLY?!
I seriously was feeling some disbelief. I didn't let him kiss me hello, so what made him think I was going to let him kiss me good-bye in front of my coworker?? Again, I deflected but he kinda tried to move his mouth over mine. Clearly this boy wasn't reading my body language very well.
Now it was his turn to leave for a week. Unlike our time apart where he continually contacted me, I did not contact him. I realize while typing this that clearly I didn't have enough interest in this boy. So you may be wondering why I continued to date him..... Well. I believe that chemistry can build. And he was sweet! And. Well. He Liked me. Clearly.
He returns from his sojourn and I asked him to hang in my neighborhood. I figured that maybe we needed some time to just "hang". Some no-pressure, not date-y type time. I asked him to come to Queens (realizing later how this might be construed).
He arrived with flowers. Very sweet. And here is where I will elicit your judgement. They were ugly. It was akin to a $2 bouquet. One carnation and some dyed daisies. And I KNOW how this sounds. It makes me sound stuck up and ungrateful. I'm just trying to be honest here - and here's the thing; if I really liked this boy, I would have (probably?) thought they were the best flowers ever! But in the moment I thought, um, if we're in the woo-ing stage and this is all you're bringing to the table, where does it go from here?
We ate. We conversed. Again, I was not impressed by anything coming out of his mouth. You know that feeling you get when you're talking to an eight year old and they're telling you about their friend Jimmy's pet frog and you don't really care about the frog or the story, but they're so excited that you're happy to listen? That's what talking to him was like.
After an hour and a half I was already thinking up reasons to tell him he had to go. We decided to walk around the neighborhood and as we left the apartment, he didn't reach to bring his manbag with him. I thought, great, crap, now we're going to have to come BACK to the apartment!! Grr. (again, not a good sign).
We walked around for around an hour, no magic, no sparks. I told him I had plans that evening and had to start getting ready soon. Hint hint. I think he took that hint to mean, let's go into Manhattan together. Either that or why don't you hang here while I get ready? Um, not what I meant.
Back at the apartment I gave him the "it's time for you to go" stance. He wanted to make out. So I made rambling conversation. I tend to get a bad case of verbal vomit when I'm nervous. Well, I'm pretty verbose to begin with, but it gets worse when I'm nervous. Much worse. He tried to make plans to see me again and I start rambling on and on about what I've got going on and he's staring at me with this puppy dog look on his face that's screaming, why are you blowing me off?
So I tell him I'll be in touch tomorrow to let him know what my week is looking like. He goes to kiss me again. And licks my face. Chin to nose, licks me, trying to gain entrance. I think he was never told that it's lips first, then tongue. I pull back, and make things wonderfully, horribly awkward. I tell him that I just, I, um, I (clasp hands) need some....time.
He responds, I can wait....
Crap. He thinks I mean something else. Why do I do this to myself?!
So he goes for the door, I thank him for coming out to Queens, I thank him for the flowers. And then because I'm the queen of mixed signals, I kiss him good-bye. But I felt badly! He just looked so downtrodden.....
After much thought and insight from the two other ladies on this blog, I realize that if I really truly liked him, I'd be making time for him in my schedule and that perhaps the only thing I liked about him, was that HE liked me. True. Nail to the heart. I needed to end this.
So I bite the bullet and send him an email the next day. An honest email. I say that I realized that if I felt differently about him, that I'd be clearing my schedule to see him and that he was too sweet of a guy for me to set false expectations. That it'd been nice getting to know him and that I hoped he finds what he's looking for.
He emails back immediately saying that he'd be lying if he didn't tell me he was starting to feel the same way, wondering why I wasn't making time for him. That he, too, wished the best for me and hoped I would find what I was looking for.
And that's exactly why I dated him for as many times as I did. He was sweet. A really nice, sweet guy. He'd be the perfect boyfriend; always there for you, gives you space when you need it, doesn't wait to call/text/email, doesn't play games. But you have to account for chemistry, of which we had none. And that, is the bottom line. Chemistry can make you overlook a closet full of flaws, imperfections and annoyances. Chemistry is what makes bad relationships hard to walk away from and takes good relationships to the horizon. But, without chemistry all you're left with is a face licker and sad flowers.
Recipe: Molten Chocolate Cake
note: Use bittersweet chocolate. Cake is bittersweet and looks delicious, but when you bite into it, all you'll find is wetness.