Hello! Did you miss me? I know, it’s been a while since I enthralled you with my ever fascinating and nearly always unsatisfying dating endeavors. You’re probably asking yourself, “Mandy, where have you been?” Well friends, as a direct result of Kelly’s amazing craigslist post I actually started “dating” someone. Don’t worry though; I’m back in the game. One day I’ll regale you with stories about that “relationship” or lack thereof but we’ll save that for a later date because 1. Not enough time has elapsed 2. I actually liked him 3. Though, I hate to admit it, maybe I’m still a little sad
Phew, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move onto the topic at hand. Something that has been on my mind for the last few days: Rejection. The most feared and hated word in the realm of dating. Let’s face it, we’ve all been on the giving and receiving end of rejection….the verdict: it sucks. In this entry I would like to discuss rejection as it relates to the initial ask out or first date. I will do so through an experience which took place exactly one week ago.
Despite the fact that I had already given my two weeks, had slim to no company pride and ceased to be an employee on Friday when the race was on Sunday, I still signed up to be on my company’s running team for the annual Susan G. Komen “Race for the Cure” 5k. I can almost justify it because it was for a good cause… I mean, I’m apathetic, not made of stone. Anyway, after wading through the sea of pink I finally found my team. They apparently all knew each other from work and I was the odd man out. I almost immediately regretted my decision and thought how ironic it was that I was seriously contemplating running away. But I had already made the effort to meet up with them, so I held it together and put on my best “Hey there” smile. The vast majority of the people on the team seemed just as uninterested in knowing me as I was in knowing them. Except for one very funny and extremely attractive man named Peter, who shared my eagerness to make fun of our matching company hats. He was tall, about 6’1” slender body, with crystal blue eyes – totally adorable. We chatted our way to the starting line. We talked about running, where we went to college, my dorky yet functional fanny pack, my new job and the fact that Cyndi Lauper (fuck yeah) had just sang our national anthem. I felt like I was getting ‘the vibe” from him but alas, the race started and we were swallowed by the crowd of people behind us.
I couldn’t help but think my dear friend Peter had been a missed opportunity. I got over the fact that it made me feel like an internet creeper and found his email on our team list. Hell, I’m a modern woman not held down by societal restraints and so I have no problem “throwing it out there” and asking someone out. I mean, you’ll never get want you want unless you ask, right? I sent him a hilarious/witty email and straight up asked him if he wanted to get a drink sometime. After a solid 2 days he responded back with an equally funny email, asking me about my new job and where it was located. He never responded to my drink question but I thought maybe by asking where my job was he was doing “the set up”. One day went by, then two, then three….. Nothing. I had been blown off. It got me thinking. Why wouldn’t he just politely decline? Why even send me an email back?
I have come to the realization that I am an anomaly when dealing with rejection. At this point in my life, I neither fear or care about rejection…I mean, within reason. Let me clarify. I know what I want: to be in a relationship. I know what I don’t want : a new friend (I already have plenty of friends, thank you) When you are initially asking someone out, its because you think they’re interesting, attractive and/or someone you could see yourself spending time with. You aren’t really invested in that person yet because you know there are plenty of other potential suitors that fit the qualities listed above. Therefore, I in no way, feel hurt or slighted if someone declines my invitation. I chalk it up to that’s the way dating is and move onto someone else who would like to spend their time with me. The only thing that really “grinds my gears” is when that person does not let you know that they are not interested. People either over estimate what they’re rejection with do or they don’t want to look like the bad guy. By responding – Peter probably thought that he was being nice… perhaps he genuinely cared how my new job was going. As a result for the next 3 days I thought that I would be seeing him again. The moral of the story – if you’re not interested… say so. I will gladly move on to the next. The saying “There are plenty of other fish in the sea,” got it right. So, don’t be a blowhole.
Recipe: PECAN TILAPIA FOR TWO
• Handful of roasted pecan halves or pieces
• 1 tablespoon butter, melted
• 2 tilapia fillets, skinned and boned
• Juice from 1 Persian lime
• Salt to sprinkle
• Touch of white pepper
• 1/4 cup plain fine bread crumbs
• 1 small shallot, minced
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1/4 teaspoon Madras curry powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground coriander seed
• 1 seedless Florida navel orange, membranes removed and sectioned
• Optional: chopped curly parsley or cilantro leaves
1. In a small pan, warm the pecans in the butter until coated. Keep warm in the pan.
2. Saturate the tilapia fillets in the lime juice and sprinkle salt over.
3. Add a touch of white pepper to the bread crumbs and coat the fillets. Set aside.
4. In a shallow, non-stick skillet, cook the shallot in the butter over low heat until soft. Stir in the curry powder and coriander. Add the fillets, turning the heat to medium. Cook less than 1 minute, or until browned on one side. Turn fillets over and cook until browned on the other.
5. Remove fillets to two plates. Cover with the nuts and set orange segments across the top or around the plate with chopped parsley or cilantro leaves for color.
Note: Crushed pecans may be substituted for the bread crumbs to coat the fillets.