Friday, August 5, 2011

The Experiment

Having tried most avenues of online dating, I decided to conduct an experiment (out of boredom, out of a desire for a laugh, but certainly, no, not out out of desperation.....).

I won't keep you in suspense; I posted an ad on Craiglist.

It was a random Thursday night and I found myself with a few hours to kill before my house guest arrived for the long weekend. I was bored. I was spectacularly single. Why not see what happens?! What have I got to lose?! How many times have I heard that sentence when it comes to dating? Loads. But it's true - so I did!

Here's what I posted:

Subject: You can bring me home to mom, but only if we ever get out of bed - 31 (Sunnyside)

Wanted: a smart, funny, male who wants to go out and explore this amazing city of ours.

You: amazing, fun, smart, will play Clue with me and then watch The Princess Bride, willing to be my baking taste tester and thinks the Red Panda might be the cutest animal in the zoo. That, or a lemur.


1) I tend to like sports that involve my childhood. This really involves anything having to do with snow, since I grew up in Buffalo. I love skiing, watching hockey and have been known to try a little Nancy Kerrigan action every once in a while.
2) I find that I'm comfortable in most every environment.
3) I can talk to anyone, any time. Literally.
4) I often get men who tell me they dont know how I'm single and female friends that tell me if they were lesbians they'd be trying to get up on it.
5) My mom is Buffalonian, but my Dad is Canadian. I'm a half breed.
6) I have a really good sense of smell, and at night my super sonic hearing kicks in.
7) Five is my lucky number, and green my favorite color.
8) I love to drive and go on roadtrips (and have never been in a reported accident)
9) I travel for work, and lovelovelove it.
10) I'd love to have a medium sized dog someday, but I'd like to have a yard for him/her to play in.
11) Wherever I travel, I buy a Christmas ornament. I like decorating the tree and remembering all the places I've been.
12) I am horrible at Scrabble. I love words and etymology but get beaten on Words with Friends constantly. My ego can take it.
13) I am single, never been married nor do I have children but I would like to no longer be single and one day get married and have children.
14) I know how to cook, but am a kick ass baker who thinks having dinner prepared for me is incredibly sexy.
15) I have two brothers; they're my bookends.
16) I'm a south paw.
17) I've lived in Orlando (summer at Disney), Rome (semester abroad) and Belfast (masters program), aaaaaand now I live here.
18) I think AC might be man's greatest invention
19) I like hockey more than any other sport, but to be completely truthful, its because it doesn't last that long.
20) I am the worst bowler ever. But just like karaoke, I'll give it a go anyway.
21) I'm fun. And funny.
22) I recently rediscovered a love of skiing - I really need to go more often.
23) I have incredibly soft skin.
24) I might be the least judgmental person you ever meet.
25) I've never gotten busy in the backseat of a car.

Wanna hang out? Tell me about *you*! :)

I would also like to add that I decided to get a little frisky because I have a theory about my lack of quality response on OKC. While I truly believe that my profile is pretty much on the mark with my personality, it lacks any overt sexuality. Perhaps I'll explore this in a different post, but I feel like when online dating, that as a female, you have to exude some sexuality in order to get a higher rate of response. Okay, I digress, back to the post.

I received 27 responses in two hours. Here are some gems:

I'm cool and really tall. That's all you need to know : )

I'll taste your pie!
#25. How about the front seat?
In traffic x

I know you want to be told about me. But after reading that list of things you posted... I have to ask 2 questions; 1. Are you real? and 2. Why are you single? They say if something is too good to be true, it usually is. What really caught my eye is that you are a kick ass baker. Having dinner ready for you is more than sexy, it's mandatory. Cooking is my passion (baking included). It might seem selfish of me to want to know to more about you without divulging info about me. Maybe you'll answer this email, I'd be more than happy to tell you all about me, but I'm way more interested in learning more about you.

I actually live right next to Sunnyside and have never been.
I am in Williamsburg and drive and would love an excuse to go to your neighborhood.
I am 32, a lawyer, over 6 feet tall, smart, sarcastic & funny.
Lets chat some more, I got a new car recently and am really thinking about the line about making out in the backseat :)

That last car comment seemed to get the most attention. A LOT of guys were interested in making #25 happen for me. How generous of them! The rest were pretty generic, some were blatantly solicitousness for some NSA action and then there were two gems. Two, honest to goodness gems. Which resulted in DATES. Craigslist was the best idea I'd had in forever! (Well, at least I thought so at the time....) <---foreshadowing alert!!

I replied to quite a few and eliminated most based on their pictures. The reasons ran the gamut of geriatric, slob, only including their torso in the picture (nice pecks dude!), creepy, next Craigslist killer, to just plain not interested.

The two gems I received deserve their own posts (to follow, clearly).

One night on Craigslist resulted in more action than match, eharmony and OKC put together. But, alas, quantity is not quality.


Seems like a random mix of ingredients that might make you go, whaaa? But it's bangin' and has potential to be amazing. So trust me, try it, just like my Craigslist ad - you might be surprised at what you get!

Tater Tot Casserole

1 lb Hamburger, brown with chopped onion. Place hamburger/onion mix in a greased casserole.
Mix 1 can Cream of Mushroom soup and 1/2 can of milk. Pour over hamburger. Top with 1/2 package of Tater Tots (or more.) Bake at 350 for approximately 1 hour (til bubbling and tater tots are browned.)